A Response to "An Open Letter to the Person Who Left This Sweet Dog at the Kill Shelter"

Today, I saw this posted at Huffington Post:  "An Open Letter to the Person Who Left This Sweet Dog at the Kill Shelter."  While I understand the Ms. White's feelings, I think perhaps she is judging too quickly and to harshly.

Before I get into it, let me tell you who I am with regard to animals.  I have had many hamsters (14-ish), one rabbit, three turtles, one dog (two if you count partial responsibility for one at Dad's house), and several fish in my lifetime.  I am from a middle class background and have never had a huge amount of money.  I have college loan debt.  I love animals to the extent that I have had two hamsters for whom I paid to have surgery.  One of those hamsters was also treated for rodent lice he picked up in the pet store and was on phenobarbital for his entire lifespan in my care for seizures--a hamster that frequently bit, and when he bit during a seizure could not let go on his own, and I loved him.  I've spent the money to have hamsters who were very ill put to sleep.  My dog had a heart condition, and I spent a lot of money on him because of it, though I had to draw the line at certain chest x-rays that would have cost more than we could afford and did not necessarily have a high probability of helping prolong his already good, long life.  When he was going downhill, I took him to the vet.  I watched them give him his last meal.  I held him while my husband and young daughter came to say goodbye.  I held him and told him how much I loved him and said my goodbyes and continued petting him as they administered the medicine to stop his heart.  I know animals, and I love them, and they are part of the family.

Back to the Huff Post article.  First off, I applaud Ms. White for taking in this dog and taking such good care of it.  Thanks to her, Cocoa got the end of life she deserved.  That being said, I think Ms. White needs to take the time to think about what might have led to a family to give their dog up to animal control.  She says that the intake sheet said the family was moving to a no pets apartment and had limited means:

"Because the people at Animal Control gave me Cocoa's intake sheet. You know, the one you filled out. The one that said Cocoa was 12 years old and you'd had her all those years. The one that said you were moving to a pet-free apartment and couldn't take your faithful companion of 12 years. You know, the one that you said was a "sweet old girl -- a wonderful companion." The one that said you had limited funds."

Ms. White takes this information and decides that these people are simply cold-hearted.  How does she know?  Does she wonder if they are moving to that apartment because they have lost employment and are under or unemployed?  Does it occur to her that their hearts may have been breaking when they did this?  That they may have felt they had no other choice?  When you take on a pet, of course you expect to be able to care for it no matter what.  However, unforeseen circumstances can change all of that, especially in an economy like ours today.

The author adopted this dog and found she was very ill--she was incontinent; she had pancreatitis, and she had cancer.  (I believe this was not found out where she got the dog because it was Animal Control rather than an actual shelter.)  The Humane Society definitely does (more on that later).  She belittles the family for not paying for the medications and the special dog food and for not having the dog euthanized.  She ASSUMES they knew how bad the dog was.  I agree that if they knew how sick Cocoa was, it would have been best for them to euthanize her and have her die in their arms.  But does it ever occur to Ms. White that maybe they didn't know what medical conditions she had because they couldn't take her to the vet because they were having to penny pinch because of unemployment or other dire financial circumstances?  No, she doesn't.  She just judges without any compassion or thought about what the other family may have been going through.  She doesn't give them the benefit of the doubt.  

At one point, she says, "What upset me so much is that you couldn't be bothered to drive the extra 20 minutes to take her to the Humane Society, a no-kill shelter."  This surprised me greatly since all of the chapters of the Humane Society I'm familiar with would have euthanized this dog.  I checked into Humane Society websites from several states, including Minnesota and Arizona, and found that they do medical exams of incoming dogs and they do euthanize those who are extremely sick.  So, unless her local Humane Society runs very differently, she's very much mistaken about it being a "no-kill" shelter.

So, in short, my message to Ms. White is this:  don't assume you understand other people's circumstances because of a short intake questionnaire.  Learn to give people the benefit of the doubt.

Survey Makers: Get a Clue

I don't know about you, but I take Internet surveys on a regular basis.  Yougov.com allows you to trade in points for goods or gift cards.  E-rewards.com allows you to add money to your Upromise account (kids' college savings--yay!).  And e-miles.com allows you to earn airline miles so you don't have to keep shopping to keep your miles active (I can't say I've been flying as much as before kids, but I want to keep them active).  I don't mind taking these surveys.  They can provide useful information to companies and government.  However, when they are poorly thought out/written, the data they gather isn't going to be that useful.  I suspect the people writing these surveys are just too homogeneous a group to think outside their box.  Maybe, they'll stumble upon this and learn a little more about their survey takers.  Or maybe not.  At any rate, yougov.com does the best job on their surveys BECAUSE they allow you to evaluate the survey at the end, including a comment section, and they frequently will allow you to leave an item blank.  But anyway, onto the problems.

In my experience, there are a few areas where survey developers frequently fail.  The number one thing is early in the survey:  they show their sexism.  Seriously.  At least 90% (probably closer to 95%) of the surveys I see list "male" before "female."  You would think they would try to make questions neutral, such as doing things alphabetically (which they frequently do on race questions, though a few years ago they weren't as good about it).  In that case, it would be the opposite or they could use man and woman alphabetically.  Another neutral way to do it would to make it randomly alternate with each survey you develop.  But if they were doing it this way, about 50% of the surveys should list male before female.  If you want to do it by adult population (which should be those taking the surveys), the last census data I looked at showed that there is a slightly higher percentage of females living in the U.S., where most of the surveys are based, so again, "female" should come first if you're going to base it on a neutral way.  Instead, they base it on what comes to their mind first:  men.  It's sexist.  Find a better way to do it.

The other big thing is they often don't have an option for "don't know" or "none of the above."  Usually, survey developers aren't so perfect as to think of every possible answer.  They should acknowledge this by giving an "out" option.  Especially when they just asked a question to which your answer said that the next question clearly wouldn't apply to the first.  Also, they rarely seem to acknowledge that some questions just aren't applicable to everyone.  Not everyone has a favorite sports team.  Some people hate all sports.  Give people the option to be honest.

Which leads to the problem of inconsistency within the survey.  If a person just told you they don't have _____, and your next question is about their _____, then you need to either have a "doesn't apply" option or to program your survey to skip that question.  Most of these surveys do not allow you to move on until you've answered.  So, unless you want people to just insert random answers, you should have a way to answer the question if it doesn't apply. 

Another problem:  poorly worded questions.  I've had some of the vaguest questions asked of me in surveys.  Often, context would change my answer.  So when you ask me a vague question and don't even give me a "not sure" or similar answer, my answer will either give you inaccurate data or I will quit your survey, depending on how strongly I feel or on how aggravating your survey has been.

Meandering Thoughts on Entertainment

So, I was blogging in my head in the shower again.  And as usual, my thoughts went all over the place.  I believe it all started with watching The Avengers with my son today.  He asked who the "guy" was that was talking with Loki.  So, I had to go to IMDB.com to figure it out.  And there, right next to the character name "The Other," is "Alexis Denisof."  The Buffy/Angel fan girl in me was all "OMG."  Of course, I should have expected something like this from Joss Whedon.  He tends to enjoy bringing in actors he's worked with before (as do many in Hollywood).

Later, as I was getting ready for bed and such, my thoughts wandered to another actor from Buffy:  Nicholas Brendon.  A short while back, I rented Kitchen Confidential from Netflix.  The star was Bradley Cooper from Alias, and getting NB was a side bonus.  I really wanted to love it but figured that if it was truly lovable, it probably would have lasted more than one season.  I was right.  It wasn't lovable, but I did enjoy it.  It had some fun moments, including a guest star spot for Michael Vartan who was on Alias with Cooper.  Yeah, that was probably a publicity stunt.  It was mid-season on a flailing show.  But it was still kind of fun to see them together, even if both of their characters were very big caricatures.  I'm actually pretty sure that's why the series failed.  There was very little depth in the characters.

This led me to thinking about Arrested Development.  The characters there aren't very deep either, but they're extremely quirky.  Quirky makes the lack of depth tolerable and even funny.  That's why they built a strong fan base that allowed them to last more seasons and come back through Netflix after they were cancelled.  However, I did not stick with them when they were on network TV.  Why?  Because once my kids were born, I had a hard time keeping up with much of anything on TV.  When I found out Netflix had new episodes, I couldn't remember where I left off so I started with Season 2.  Eventually, I'll be caught up and watching new episodes with the rest of the world.

This, of course, led me to thinking about the silly lawsuit the band Arrested Development brought against the show, saying they were infringing on the name.  I liked the band in college, but the lawsuit irritated me.  Anyone familiar with psychology knows it's a psychology term, and to say anyone has sole use of the name is silly, IMO.  They settled the lawsuit, but I'm sure that was more about not wanting to prolong the proceedings than any admission of anything.

And what does all of this have to do with anything?  Nothing, really.  Like Seinfeld, it is solely for entertainment purposes.  Thank you for bothering to read it, and I hope you have a nice day.

No Land Line and a Child Who Starts Talking on the Phone a Lot--What to Do?

Lately my daughter has started talking on the phone.  This would be less surprising if she were a teenager, but she just turned nine.  At any rate, this has prompted several conversations with friends who only have cell phones and are wondering what they will do when their daughter starts talking on the phone a lot.  They are concerned about radiation from the phone affecting their growing children.  So, what is a parent in this situation to do?

Well, one simple solution is to put the phone on speaker so it's not next to the girl's head.  However, as she probably wants her conversations to be more private than that, especially as she grows older, this is probably not a great solution.

There are actually other solutions out there, though they didn't occur to me when I was having my conversations with my friends.  A while back, the hubby and I wanted to turn off our long distance and only use the cells, but I didn't want the hot cell against my head every time I wanted to call long distance.  So, we got a little box device that hooked our cell phone to our land phone via blue tooth.  I can't find the exact model we have, but here are links to three of the ones I found at Amazon:

Cobra PhoneLynx

Siemens Gigaset Bluetooth Gateway

Xtreme Technologies XLink

They work so simply.  The one we have simply requires that we plug the phone into it.  When we want to use it, we connect the cell to it via blue tooth.  Then we pick up the regular phone and dial in a short code before dialing the number we want.  I was even able to insert the code in front of the stored phone numbers on the regular phone and have it work perfectly.  You can have your cell phone plugged into the charger while you use it so the battery doesn't run down.  

However, while I was looking for these devices, I found phones that actually have the blue tooth in them.  Best Buy actually has a section for them in their webstore.  I haven't tried them, but I'm sure they work largely the same way as the other device.  So, if you don't have your land-line anymore or are thinking about cutting your service, there are ways to cut down on your cell to ear time!

Things that Help Me Keep my Sanity

As with most people these days, my life tends to feel more than a little insane at times.  We get so busy and it can make us feel frantic and chaotic, to say the least.  So, I have developed a few strategies that help me keep a little more sane, that help me feel a little more in control.  Here, in no particular order, are the ones I can think of off the top of my head:

1. Notebook and Pen at my Bedside.  Seriously.  This helps me in a couple of ways.  (A) I am the type who will stay up for hours worrying over something.  And if I lose sleep worrying, I find it much harder to get those things I was so worried about done.  So, I have pen and paper beside me at night so I can jot down things that I worry I will forget in the morning.  If I do this, I am usually able to get to sleep.  I may not remember to look first thing in the morning but when that feeling that I forgot some eventually starts creeping up on me, I will go to my room and look to see what I've forgotten.  It makes life much easier. (B)  I often get creative urges in the middle of the night.  It'd be really nice if I could get up and just go create, but usually that makes me a grumpy, unpleasant Mommy in the morning, and I really don't want to be that kind of mom.  If I can write my creative ideas down, I usually (but not always) can recapture that thought/idea/etc. at a later time IF I can remember it.  Which is what my pen and paper are for.  I can write down thoughts I want to flesh out later or I can do a very rough sketch of something I want to draw or paint.
2. Lists.  My husband laughs at my lists, but really, they are how I relate best to things I need to do.  I feel very satisfied when I can check items off my "to do" list.  While I know upkeep on my lists takes some additional time during my day, having a list does help me keep on track and remember all it is that I have to remember.
3. Spot Cleaning.  Ideally, every other week (if not every week), I would dust, sweep, vacuum, mop, and rub down every inch of the house to keep it spotless.  The reality is that with two children and busy schedules, I'm lucky to get it all done once a month.  However, there are certain areas that get especially dirty/germy.  The rooms we spend the most time in get a lot more "yuck" going on than the rooms we wander into (and often store things in) but rarely sit down in.  So, I concentrate my cleaning efforts on the kitchen, the bathrooms, the beds (we don't spend a lot of time in other areas of the bedrooms), the dining area, and the family room. Yes, other rooms get my attention, just not as frequently.  In this way, I keep the most important areas from becoming too grimy without going insane trying to keep on top of everything.  

What about you?  What tips do you have to try to keep on top of your hectic life?

A Reminder to Be Present (or, Why One Shouldn't "Blog" in the Shower)

I know that being "present" is a good thing.  And that I should try to be in the present more often.  However, it's not uncommon for anyone with a creative bent to let their mind wander on a frequent basis.  They may be doing dishes and painting in their minds.  Or they may be inventing the next great thing while washing the car. Or they might be writing a blog in their head while taking a shower.

Tonight, I was guilty of the last one.  I was in the shower, thinking about blogging about some of the skin conditions I have.  I had just washed my face and hair, and I squirted conditioner into my hands.  Next thing I knew, I was rinsing my face and thinking, "Wait, did I just condition my face?!"  Yep, folks, I conditioned my face.  So, that was my little reminder today not to allow my thoughts to wander too far from what I'm actually doing.  I really hope I don't wind up with another huge breakout because of it!

What about you?  Have you ever been creating in your head and wound up doing something completely goofy?

Attention Internet Advertisers: You're Annoying Me

Frequently, when I'm surfing the net, I find that certain pages are much slower to load and navigate than others.  This is EXTREMELY frustrating.  Almost 100% of the time, it's because of some "moving" item on them, usually in an advertisement.  

Now, I understand the philosophy behind these moving ads--the movement will catch your eye, making you more likely to notice the ad.  Perhaps when these ads first became available, it did make me notice them.  However, as I've gotten more used to them, I no longer notice them any more than any other ad, except in annoyance.  Sometimes, I will look to see whose ad is slowing down my progress in getting things done on the Internet so that I can make sure to AVOID the product as I'm ticked at the company for slowing my journey through cyberspace.  In this vein, I will make a suggestion:  go for eye-catching pictures.  If you need to impart more information than a picture will allow, perhaps you could opt for an ad with a play button inserted so once the pretty picture with a short catch-phrase catches my eye, I can chose to view the ad if it seems like something I'll find interesting.  Because, really, do you want me looking at your ad only so I know who NOT to purchase from?  Or do you want me to look at your ad and think "gee, I want to find out more"?

A Cleaning Goal for the New Year

My goal (I'm not calling it a resolution since those tend to be broken easily) for the year is to try to get more organized and more regularly work on the "other household cleaning/projects" that I often put off--you know, things like vacuuming the stairs, filing, mending, etc.  I do pretty well with laundry and the dishes and other things that really need to be done regularly.  My kitchen counters and tables may not get a thorough cleaning as often as ideal but they do get cleaned fairly regularly.  But there is plenty else around here that I have been pretty bad about procrastinating on.

So far this year, I have been doing better.  I've gotten a lot of the filing done.  Over the past few days, I have mended a bunch of things that needed mending.  I've vacuumed the stairs, and while I was vacuuming, I realized that lack of a decent stair tool was the big reason I always put this off, so I added that to my Amazon wish list.  I am in the middle of cleaning my drain rack (it's soaking as I type).  I have hemmed my son's tux pants for the wedding in a week.  We are all working on teaching the 3-1/2-year-old to pick up after himself (which will help all of us keep areas clean).  Overall, I think I'm doing pretty well for someone who really hates cleaning.  I hope I can really keep this up because it will make me feel so much better to have my house cleaner. 

So, here's looking forward to a cleaner year!

Does anyone else have any goals for 2013?  How are they shaping up?